Wednesday, March 25, 2009

How I spent my 23rd birthday

Turning 23 on Quattro

On the night of the 20th, I was so drained at the office trying to finish some parts of the deck supposedly due on that day but was extended the following day. Oh well, I just had to spend the whole day worrying whether the signatory of our visa document could sign so I can immediately ‘throw’ our applications out of my hand that I was not able to really work on what I was paid to do for that day, hehe.

So –I had my plans of going to my friend Apple’s wedding or meeting up with my friend Ye so we can have some little celebration. The latter pushed through, thank goodness. Thanks to my friends Ye and Lowell who really found time for me (awww..). They decided to meet up in Quattro already while I was working no-heartedly at the office. From time to time, I was checking up on them if they’re still more or less ok.

At around 9pm, I called it a day at the office, rode the tricycle, went to Quattro and saw Lowell and Francis. Wah. I went ahead of Ye pa pala, who anyway, came after around 15 minutes. We drank our muchos, asked Ye to choose our food (since she is the only one in the ‘gang’ who is not really a ‘manginginom’ so we gave her the honor of choosing whatever solid food we’re taking in our stomachs).

Madelle was on her way too. I initially thought it was coincidence that she was inviting me to Quattro also a few minutes earlier, but I found out from Francis that he texted her. Hehe, she did not know most likely that it was my pre-birthday small get-together.

So Madelle arrived, and sometime later --- Asi and Sherwin. Wah.. I was really surprised. Surprised in a good way, that is. =) I have more ‘visitors’ than expected. Three or four rounds of mucho mug, of toasting, kampais – then we were all set to go. Went to Starbucks after, had our extra sweet fraps (hmmm. coffee as post-beer drink, doesn’t work for me), extra sweet cakes (waahh.. how come everything seems to taste extra sweet after beer. Grr). Then went home. And upon waking up in the morning, I saw that my bag was loaded with white and brown sugars from Starbucks. Haha, gagong mga iyon. But when I asked them – those were my gifts to me. Para sweet. Engk engk. (kings and queen of corny-ness).

The 21st

So I spent the 21st alone. Really. I could bask in the loneliness of that thought but then I had all those text messages to keep me sane the entire day. =) To everyone who remembered my birthday and took time to let me know that they did in whatever medium they have (SMS, YM, and social networking sites), thank you very very much.

And I had my hair cut and dyed. Hehe, I have been wanting to do this for months already and I made it happen on my birthday. Yey! But I kind of regret it now- because I look like a tomboy. Not that I have anything against tomboys. I just don’t think the boyish look fits me.

So I did some grocery (ugh, birthday or not, weekends are my errands day), received a video greeting from Mother Goose, Pop and Ayks (who made this funny remark “ano sasabihin ko?”), went home, waited for some friendly soul to save me from my birthday misery (just kidding) and ask me to go out or something (hmm. I am really not the ‘you’re invited to my birthday’ kind of person plus I don’t have a planned celebration also). Then eventually, I decided to go to this Meralco event Lowell had been talking to me about weeks back.

It turned out to be real fun! =p I was again an ampon because I was with Lowell’s friends from Mapua. Kuya John Lloyd was there also. Beer. Yey! Fireworks. Yey! And tons of aerobics dancing to burn those fats and beer belly away. It was really fun. Hay.. I had some videos of us grooving to 70s/80s songs. Haha, it was definitely a break from those gigs I usually go to wherein I just quietly sip my beer and let the noise drown my thoughts away. Sobrang makulit lang, haha. Plus the guys are really ‘game’ with the dancing and all, even the sun dance (if you’ve seen A Very Special Love and You Changed my Life, you will understand what I am talking about). [I’ve uploaded some videos here, just the less dizzying ones. I just realized how bad of a vidcam handler I can be, hehe =p.

Then we went to grab some pizza (yey! My Yellow Cab craving already satisfied) and burned those pizza calories away by laughing our hearts out at those alamat jokes of Lowell and Kuya Buge. Then home sweet home. I was dead tired from all those dancing. =p

Howkey – So I am having a really hard time trying to end/sum up this entry. But I guess what made this birthday special-ly happy is how I celebrated it with various people with whom I share differing degrees of relationships. (wow, that sounded weird). But yeah – I had a night with really good high school friends. I had a day with my self, my at peace self, with the salon stylists who just had so much to say about hair and coloring (believe me, the team who did my hair unusually really talked a lot. Most likely because the branch just opened up and they do not have much customers to talk with the entire day) plus of course, the virtual presence of everyone who texted, Facebook greeted me. I had a night with friends of my good friend, and hundreds of strangers but who came to one single place to simply have fun and act crazy.

There was no one primary party as I used to have when I was young. But there was a series of mini-parties with really beautiful people. And it made my birthday a really beautiful one.

Posted by tengcorrea at 3/25/2009 02:29:00 PM

0 comments Wednesday, March 11, 2009

50 First Reactions

Got this 'thing' from Tita Teret's facebook but since until now, I still don't 'get' Facebook (hehe) and I am too lazy to learn how to post ala blog there, I just copied it here. Hehe, deviant. Killing the fun. But anyway - I'm bored and this seems fun so I shall proceed (wahhh.. I talk too much, right? =p)
This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS... type what comes to your mind FIRST whenever you hear these 50 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random just type it! Repost it for all of your friends.

1. Beer: Red Horse!!
2. Food: potato corner's sour cream flavored fries. yum. i eat these every day.. well, except today (hmm.. I wonder why. Maybe I was too preoccupied trying to keep myself awake the entire day)
3. Relationships: make us all human. (whoa,.bigat. now I could not explain what I meant by that. First reaction nga eh, hehe =p)
4. Your CRUSH: Jericho! (grr. and my friend from the office shared the elevator with him today. huhu,inggit ako)
5. Power Rangers: Pink Five (Power Ranger ba yun. hmm.. now I feel like humming the Sillent Sanctuary song).
6. Life: sucks! haha, just kidding. Life is... (wahh.. how come I could not think of anything else.)
7. The President: Charo. haha =p
8. Yummy: pizza. craving, hehe.
9. Cars: movie? Is there a movie entitled 'Cars' or am I inventing? haha
10. Movie: Almost Famous! my ultimate favorite
11. Halloween: pumpkin. and I so I remember the pumpkin lollipop I got from Japan. umiilaw siya kaya natatakot akong kainin hahaha. I'm giving it as gift to the ants. Now I wonder why I bought it.
12. Sex: drugs, rock and roll. Haha, talk about cliches.
13. Religion: is a very dangerous word. Some people get offended when you call their faith 'religion'.
14. Hate: happens.
15. Fear: feardom - the antithesis of freedom
16. Marriage: is beautiful. (awwww.. there's the romantic in me. It takes a lot of courage to commit a lifetime with someone, right?)
17. Blondes: cheerleaders? haha, stereotypes.
18. Slippers: no to slims. i've learned my lesson.
19. Shoes: yellow shoes!!
20. Asians: Koreans, of course. I have this thing with Koreans, you know, hehe =)
21. Pasttime: drinking, wahahaha
22. One night stand: fun. haha, not for me. I guess for those who do it - for them, it seems fun... and hot. I would not know now. haha
23. My cell Phone: smells like coffee now. I spilled coffee on it a few minutes ago.
24. Smoke: hair. I love the smell of smoke on my hair for some weird reason. I like it better if the smell becomes stronger after shampooing =p
25. Fantasy: beach! tayo na sa beach. tananantantantan.
26. College: ateneo (? haha why not?)
27. Highschool Life: oh my high school life. This is a song, right?
28. Pajamas: sleep. zzzz.
29. Stars: someone. haha, reminded me of someone I star-gazed with
30. Fitness Center: Fitness First ! Brings back baaadd memories. Ang kulit nila! wahahah
31. Alcohol: beer. This is my third time to mention beer in this 50 firsts, hehe.
32. The word love: kills love's essence.
33. Friends: are blessings.
34. Money: Friends with Money. I think it's a film? Aniston?
35. Heartache: Heartaches. plural. (teng in emo mode. hehe, shut up)
36. Time: waiting. i hate waiting
37. Divorce: is a promise broken.
38. Dogs: dino. =( i miss dino. It's been a looong time since I had a pet since dino died.
39. Undies: weekends. i wash them on weekends. labo
40. Parents: mother goose! tawag ko sa nanay ko, haha =p
41. Babies: not now. haha. =p
42. Ex: ex-boyfriends = good boy friends. my proven theory.
43. Song: undercover lover. yikee.
44. Color: yellow. currently my favorite color.
45. Weddings: beach! I want my wedding held by the beach.
46. Pizza: waaaah... how dare you remind me of my craving! Yellow Cab!
47. Hangout: freedom bar and drowned thoughts.
48. Resto: the old spag house. and their yummy pesto
49. Goal: to travel
50. Inspiration: where are you? haha. you have to find me as soon as you can, ok?

NOW'S YOUR TURN... :D

Posted by tengcorrea at 3/11/2009 02:11:00 AM

0 comments Tuesday, March 03, 2009

►►

Fast forward. If only there is a button I could press so that my days move faster, until it reaches a point when I get to rest, when all these thoughts get replaced by less painful ones, when I can say “I’m ok” and really mean it.

I manage to survive each day believing that that day is to come. I don’t know when or how or whether I am bound to just wait for that day or help myself (but how – I don’t know).

►►. Please. And please when I get to that day, allow me to pause.

Posted by tengcorrea at 3/03/2009 07:33:00 PM

0 comments Monday, February 23, 2009

100% ranting - never mind

I really hate my life right now - my personal life, work. ugh. Everything seems wrong, Everything is wrong. Even this - this ranting - is wrong.

Damn it. Ugh. I am at the office right now and I just want to scream. Or cry. Or do something to just get rid of this annoying mood I am in. And I choose to write. Before I scream. Before I cry.

I am trying to concentrate in this writing. I dont care that I have tons of writing (or rewriting, better put) to do. I hate this. I hate. I hate. I hate.

Posted by tengcorrea at 2/23/2009 10:40:00 PM

0 comments Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Restlessness

Again - this restlessness. I am worried over something that I do not know about yet. =( '

Damn it. Are they ok again? So I go back to invisibility.

Posted by tengcorrea at 2/18/2009 01:31:00 PM

0 comments Sunday, February 15, 2009

This is worse

I realized last night that I am way more better at handling my own pains than bearing the pain of someone I love.

My friend is wrong --- the "best friend plan" is not going to work. I just do not think I can be there for him when he is that deeply hurt because of someone else.

Since when did gratitude become this unwanted? I do not want your "thank you". I do not want your appreciation for me being there. I do not know what I want from you.

I do not want you anymore. But you are still here. And until you are here, I will naturally always -- always be there for you. Even if I hate that sad look, even I want to shut my ears from your stories, even if I hate it when you say my name.

Posted by tengcorrea at 2/15/2009 04:24:00 PM

0 comments Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Valentine entry three years ago

A Valentine entry three years ago --

I had the best valentine's day ever..

you might immediately think that it is because i spent it with a boyfriend or what.. but not really. it was just that i feel that everything (the happy and the sad) that happened yesterday simply fit together.

i feel so loved by many people -

the people who greeted me a 'happy hearts' day' through text - krixie, jam, khia, bers, luthgard, kb;

the korean kids in the dorm who gave me chocolates (i think it was not their tradition but they did it anyway);

the stranger in the mall who was my company while i was waiting for someone (my instant date);

my mother who sent me this very sweet message - "Hapi Valentine's Day!!! Wo ai ni! Take care. 4 me u r d most perfect and beautiful girl in d whole world." it might sound cheesy but coming from someone who have seen and felt the worst of me, the monster in me, and yet accepted me (the unconditional love of a mother, precisely) - such words are just the sweetest they almost made me cry;

tal with whom i share my happy and not-so-happy thoughts, to whom i can confess my 'unreasonable' joys and pains, without fear of being judged; her negative plus my negative equals a positive. One sees the other cry without really understanding why. because sometimes reasons need not be known, right? One can understand without really knowing why;

he - whose presence, little acts and funny messages make me smile, he who i wait to see everyday, he who i like to remain a joke (sounds bad, huh?)so that it would not hurt; (but yes, it sort of did cause me pain already)

vee-jay, my baba - for the pain and the happiness; for the 'surprise' which i and the circumstances again spoiled but that which is still very much appreciated.


ahh.. happiness. sometimes the belief, the conviction that one is loved.

--

So why am I posting this? Because inspired by a quote from Murakami -

"You know what I think?" she says. "That people's memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. Whether those memories have any actual importance or not, it doesn't matter as far as the maintenance of life is concerned.”

-- I think the 2006 happy blog entry is a fuel. It is what I’d like to call an anesthetic fuel. So that no matter what happens this “i-hate-it-because-it-is-so-commercialized-yet-it-affects-me-anyway” event, I will have fuel to burn. To keep me warm. To keep me believing. To keep me sane on that impending another yet extra cursed Saturday night.

Posted by tengcorrea at 2/11/2009 06:17:00 PM

0 comments Monday, January 26, 2009

Time to expose how I feel again, hehe

For the past year and a half, I felt I knew where I was going. Or better put, I felt as if I knew where I was going. It was not perfect – I was tired most of the time even then. I was complaining a lot. But then I felt how relief would always come in perfect timing. Simply because I have my person. (and no, it was not a boyfriend. Just a good friend.)

You know sometimes how someone can make you want to be a better person. You reflect on your principles, and you weigh them if some of them come in conflict with each other, until you realize what matters over what. You see how he sees life, and you want to try to look at things the way he does. You feel how he manages his relationships with other people he cares about, and you want to try to build yours in the same way.

So visually- I felt that I was facing a lot of unfamiliar roads, but then I felt brave enough to explore them because someone was reminding me how to keep my eyes open and be thankful for whatever surprise that could come our way.

Then all of a sudden, he left. Because I have become a burden. I suddenly realized that I’ve become so self-centered that I did not recognize that he has his own principles to think about, his life to see, and own relationships to keep. I was so self-centered that while I feel like being a better person with him, he felt the opposite. I make him wrong. I make him a bad person. I make him unfree. I make him feel unworthy of the beautiful relationship he has with someone else.

And so he left. And I feel sad. I feel lost. I feel that I have principles, perspectives and faith to review and rebuild if necessary – for me to be able to call them my own and not his. But amid the hurting and the damage, I do not hate him. And I probably never will.

Because he may have left me on this painfully unfamiliar road, but he left me pieces of principles, perspectives, and maybe courage to just keep my self going.

Posted by tengcorrea at 1/26/2009 02:03:00 PM

0 comments Friday, January 09, 2009

Baler

“Sa Baler, nagsimula ang isang kuwento ng pag-ibig.”

The opening line of the movie Baler spells quite a strong promise of a love story. Indeed, it was a love story, but unlike your typical love stories that naturally highlight the romantic thrill, Baler gives us a dose of the love that we have for every human being – even if they are called enemies at the time of war. Indeed, as the movie line says it, this “love is worth fighting for” – because we struggle to keep this love even if it sometimes conflicts with our concepts of freedom, loyalty, and love for life.

For those with kilig expectations for this movie, they need to be toned down, I suppose. Neither Jericho-Anne nor the Nikki-Mark on-screen chemistry is vivid. If you are a Jericho fan (like me!!), that superficial romantic thrill is a given. But in my opinion, the couples had no giant gestures of love, thus their love may be true but it was not great. And at the time of war, and given their circumstances, I was hoping for a great love.

BUT the movie highlights a greater love. It is the love for every human being amidst the set-up of a war where people are supposed to kill, to shoot, in the name of whoever for a whatever purpose perceived to be noble. Because at the end of the day, we look at the individual rather than the troop we are supposed to kill. Feliza loved Celso because she looked at him not as a soldier but as a person. Gabriel (Carlo Aquino) stayed with the Spanish soldiers because he was loyal to a person.

The Acting

Jericho is well …. very himself – the intense actor that he is known for. Probably the reason why he did not bag the Best Actor awards. Maybe the judges are looking for something positively different – which to be fair to him, he was able to deliver in certain scenes of the movie, especially during the “Bravo meal”.

Philip Salvador who played the father to Feliza and Gabriel rightfully deserves the Best Supporting Actor award. It was very evident how he shifts from being a man whose sound hatred toward the Spaniards influences how he lives his life (and wants his children to live theirs too), to a father with an innate love for his children (and grandchild later on).

Anne’s acting was good – in the sense that her movements and facial expression sometimes make me forget that her being mestiza should have been a consideration before they gave her the role. But she was able to pull it off. It is just that maybe, I expected more than the ‘in-love’ and the worried look – especially since she is the Best Actress.

The Lighting

I watched the making of the movie, and one of the pride of the movie is its lighting, which they tried to look as natural or raw as possible. To that I agree plus I love the contrast of the bluish tone of the inside of the church versus the lush greens of the outside, not to mention the red orange tinge that sets the romantic mood during Feliza and Celso’s time alone together.

Posted by tengcorrea at 1/09/2009 01:59:00 PM

0 comments Friday, December 26, 2008

I guess I was late

I was late :( Less than a hour past the knock-on-wood entry, I found out that it is happening. Oh well, sometimes we do not get our Christmas wish, our one great Christmas wish, right? Especially if is are not meant for us.

It is not meant for me. I should have accepted this exactly 3 months ago.

Posted by tengcorrea at 12/26/2008 03:37:00 AM

0 comments